Out of control
by jibber59
Summary: As one might expect when Team 7 in involved, a road trip doesn't go exactly as planned. (Rating due to some language and some hurting of our boys. What else would you expect from me!)
1. Chapter 1

"I really cannot comprehend why the notion of flying is so difficult for the powers that be to fathom." Ezra muttered to himself. Actually, he was muttering it to Chris, but as the man in question was snoring softly in the passenger seat of the car, he got no response. Had Chris been awake, the answer would've been the same one he'd given when Ezra voiced his displeasure at the beginning of the trip.

"Budget – plain and simple. Trips under 500 miles are to be done by vehicle whenever possible, particularly when it comes down to four tickets versus one car rental."

"This is not a car, Mr. Larabee. It is a small boat on wheels. It is an abomination."

"It's a minivan Ezra. Get over it. Besides plenty of room for Buck to stretch his legs."

"Seats are comfy too Ezra." Vin added with a slightly evil grin. "Be real easy to take a nap, so we won't need to stop for a rest."

"The drive to Oklahoma is well over 500 miles."

"Yes, but the flight isn't." Chris answered.

"That is absurd."

"No, that is bureaucracy."

"Are you telling me we won't even be stopping for the night? This is a 10-hour drive and it is already well into the afternoon hours."

"Ezra, give it up." Buck growled. "This isn't up for debate. We have to be there for court in the morning, and the rules are the rules, so just give it a rest." He turned and marched out to get his overnight bag into the van.

"Don't mind him Ezra. He had to cancel a hot date for tonight. She didn't take it well."

"I, too, had plans Mr. Dunne. I imagine that we all did. However, I suppose I must concede that he has a point. Would you be so kind as to hand me my valise and suit bag?"

"A lot of luggage for an overnight trip."

"There are some necessities I will not abandon, and due to careful planning and preparation, they fit into this case. As for the suit, well I refused to appear in court inappropriately attired."

"Feels like more than just one suit in here."

"One should always be prepared for all contingencies."

That had been almost eight hours ago. Since then he, Chris, Buck and Vin had travelled about three quarters of the distance. Ezra had volunteered to take the last turn at the wheel, hoping fate might intervene and actually save him from having to drive.

Fate, as usual, was not kind. He been driving for about 30 minutes and regretting his choice. He was travelling unfamiliar country roads on a rainy night in a vehicle that handled nothing like the sports car he was used to, and he was hating every minute of it. The silence didn't help, but after 20 minutes of arguing about music selections Chris had declared the car was a quiet zone. Now, with everyone else sleeping, Ezra was finding it hard to stay focused and alert. Talking to himself was his final recourse, so he began reviewing his plan testimony for the next day.

He quickly decided that letting his mind wander was not a particularly good idea. The road was getting worse, with curves and bends coming far too quickly for his liking. The hills created the illusion of disappearing roads and looming disasters. High beams didn't help as the rain and fog swallowed the light. The whole experience was starting to play tricks on his eyes, as more than once shadows left him with the impression they were being followed. He was giving serious consideration to waking the others for moral support if nothing else, when he found himself blinded by the glare of oncoming headlights. Seconds later, as he struggled to refocus his sight, the van was slammed from behind by a second car.

"What the hell?" Buck called out from the centre row.

"Brace yourselves gentlemen. Someone wants us off this road." Ezra had barely finished speaking when they were hit again, this time on the rear passenger side. That same moment the oncoming car turned off the bright lights, leaving them in darkness, and Ezra struggling to adjust. Vin slid himself over, redoing the seatbelt in anticipation of another hit. Buck and Chris had pulled their weapons, but both attacking vehicles were now dark and all but invisible. Ezra was fighting with all he had to control the car, having only limited success. His normal eloquence went out the window when he turned the next curve.

"Shit! Hold on!"

He cranked the wheel frantically, and the car broadsided a tree. An instant later when they were hit from behind again, there was no way to keep it on the road any longer despite Ezra valiant struggle. The darkness engulfed them as they flew over the edge. The landing was a jarring force followed by a rapid roll down the slope before they came to a rest on the rocky edge of the river below. The vehicles above drove off, leaving a deathly stillness in their wake.

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Vin knew the minute he opened his eyes that something wasn't right. It took a little more time for him to register that the something in question was the angle he was seeing everything at – sideways. Making the move to straighten up was definitely an error in judgment as pain shot through him. The leg was the worst, but his chest and head were not much better. The next thought that struck him was that the car was too damn quiet.

"Buck? Chris? Ezra? Anybody awake?"

The relief at hearing Buck's voice was greater than he could have envisioned.

"Nice to have someone to talk to again. Probably too late to say this, but try not to move. I got out, but everything shifted. Doubt that did any of you any good. I'm trying to stabilize things."

"The others? Chris? Ezra?"

"Chris took a good hit to the head and from what I can see, I'm guessing his wrist is busted up. He's been drifting in and out, getting a little more responsive each time. Sit tight, this might move the van a bit."

Vin could hear something scraped the side, but felt no movement. "Okay, that seems to be better."

"Buck, what about Ezra?" There was silence for a minute. "Buck?" Vin had a tinge of panic to his voice.

"I don't know Vin. He's not moving and hasn't answered. Door's wedged against the rocks and he's half underwater. I need Chris to wake up so I can find out more."

"Find out about what?" Chris mumbled. "What the hell happened?"

"We were forced off the road Chris. How do you feel?"

"Peachy. How the hell do you think I feel?" He cursed again would he try to reach the seat belt. "Damn hand is broken."

"Most likely your wrist. You've been moving your fingers. Hold still another minute and I'll try to get your door open. Everything's really messed up."

Chris turned his head quickly as the memory of what happened came back. The action sent his vision spinning.

"Shit. Vin? Ezra?"

"I'm okay Chris. We don't know about Ezra yet. Can you see him?"

"No without night vision goggles. Don't you have a flashlight Buck?"

"No, can't get into the kit in the back without risking shifting the van too much. I've been working off the light from my phone. Damn thing is no good for anything else out here."

Chris reached for his own cell and slowly pulled it out, using the faint glow to get a better look around him. Ezra was deathly pale, making the blood on his face stand out in stark contrast. Chris reached out tentatively, deeply afraid of what he was going to feel as he sought a pulse. The small weak groan was music to his ears.

"Stay still Ezra. You're hurt pretty bad from the look of things. Just don't move." He wasn't sure why he'd bothered to add that. Ezra's state could barely be described as conscious and he sat perfectly still. He was slumped against the straining seatbelt. It was only on seeing that that Chris realized the airbags hadn't deployed. Whether it had been bad luck or sabotage he didn't know, but he knew it was a big part of the reason they were in so much trouble now.

His attention came back to the moment when he realized Vin was talking to him. "Sorry Vin, what?"

"I was asking if we can get him out of here. I don't like the speed of this river."

"Does it look bad?"

"I've got no clue what it looks like, but it sounds fast, and with the rain as hard as it is I'm betting it's rising."

"I can't see enough to be sure, but I'd say moving him isn't really our best plan right now."

Buck was beside him. "Okay, I think we can get you and Vin out of there now without everything shifting."

"Move Vin. I'm staying in here with Ez."

"Chris, in the first place, you're hurt. We need to check you out. In the second place, and this might actually make a difference to you, I need to be able to get a better look at Ezra. If we need to move him, it's best we know how to do it fast."

He couldn't dispute the logic and didn't really have the energy to argue. He bit back against the pain that radiated through him as Buck pried him free. "Sorry cowboy, no way to do this without it hurting."

"Don't call me cowboy," he growled back through gritted teeth. Buck was glad Chris couldn't see his smile. "And stop grinning." Damn the man anyway.

"Okay Vin, you're next."

"Likely have cracked rib and my leg is busted up. I may be calling you a few names myself."

"Not like I haven't heard them before."

A few minutes and some very innovative cursing later both injured men were settled on the ground, under as much shelter from the rain as could be found. Buck started for the van again but turned back at Chris's newest round of cursing.

"What's the matter? You okay?"

"No, I'm an idiot. We need to put up a signal of some kind up on the road in case anyone goes by."

"Already did that. Don't hold out much hope. The road doesn't look well-traveled, and on a night like this I doubt many people are out for a pleasure drive."

Vin looked up. "Not the main road then?"

"Barely looks like a secondary one. I'd bet my next paycheck on the fact that the signs were messed with. Ezra was probably following some kind of detour set up for us."

Chris wasn't happy with the situation, or the current delay. "Let's worry about the details later. First priority is to get Ezra checked out." Buck made his way back to the van and used what light he could to evaluate the situation. His lack of commentary was all the information the others needed.

"He's that bad?"

"It's not good Chris. His pulse is weak, barely reacts when I touch him. Head wound bleeding bad and the water around his legs looks pretty red too. I'm going to see if I can figure out why." A moment later he brought his head out of the freezing water. He said nothing. They could hear him fumbling, and then another soft splash told them he'd gone underwater again. It felt like an eternity until he resurfaced.

"Part of the door panel peeled back and sliced his leg open deep. I used my belt to put a tourniquet on it, but he's lost a lot of blood. Not to mention the fact that it's likely infected by now too."

"Can we get him clear?"

"Not sure we should. There's more metal around him and God knows what we might slice open, or off. Something's wedged into his side as well, but I think the pressure is holding off the bleeding."

"At least the bleeding we can see. Internal could be a different story," Vin lamented.

Buck had returned to the others. "I'll put what you need close by. Then I'm heading up the road for help."

"No, you aren't." Chris's voice indicated it was an order, not a suggestion. "We have no idea where we are and it's pitch black out there. Getting lost won't help matters."

"He's gonna bleed out if we don't do something."

"Which way are you gonna go up there? How can you know what you'll run into?"

"Doesn't matter. I won't just sit here and watch him die."

"None of us want to do that. Look, let's see if we can get him to wake up. For all we know we passed help a few miles back, or he knows how much further to the next town. At least we'd have a starting point. Help me up."

"Stay put Chris. I'll ask him."

"He'll respond to my voice faster. Trust me on that."

Chris grimaced as he stood, but said nothing. He made his way back to the van and leaned in as far as he could without moving it further. Knowing the nature of Ezra's injuries now made stability that much more critical.

"Standish! Wake up! Open your eyes dammit!" He was rewarded with a soft moan, but no further activity. "Come on Standish. I'm not screwing around here."

"There is no need to shout Mr. Larabee. You are close enough to be heard without bellowing."

All three men let out sighs of relief. "Ezra, did we pass anything – house, gas station, anything, recently?"

"Pass anything? Why would we…? Where are we?"

"There was an accident Ezra. Buck needs to go get help. Do you know how far we are from a town?" Thirty seconds passed with no response. "Standish?"

"Patience. I am trying to recall the last few minutes. It was dark – extremely dark. I don't know. Weren't there other cars? Maybe they could help?"

"Doubt it. They're the ones who forced us off the road. What town are we coming up on Ezra?"

"Don't know. There was a detour. Maybe 10 minutes ago?" He coughed, gasping sharply at the pain.

"Easy Ezra, take it easy. Don't try to move. Do you remember anything else? Ezra, stay awake. Buck needs to know where to go for help. We gotta get an ambulance here for you."

"Ambulance?" Ezra opened his eyes. "Are you hurt? Vin? Where is Vin?" Ezra started to show the intention of trying to sit up and Chris used his good hand to stop the move.

"Vin's over by the tree Ezra. Yeah, he needs some help. What can you tell Buck?"

Ezra seemed to become more focused. "There was a building. A gas station maybe? Just west of the detour. A couple of minutes back. Don't know much further ahead to the town. How bad is Vin hurt?" Formalities disappeared as Ezra's concern had pushed his own pain and circumstance out of his mind.

"Sit still Ezra. It's not bad. His leg is twisted up so he can't walk. I got a busted-up hand and we all got a mess of bruises. We can't get you out of the car right now, you're pinned in. You stay still, and I'll be back."

"Vin?" Ezra was clearly still confused, and his voice sounded weak.

"He's fine Ezra. Vin, shout over to Ezra."

"I'm okay Pard. You stay put. I'll come and visit when there's a bit more light and I can see what I'm doing." Ezra sighed with relief and leaned his head back onto the seat. Chris gently patted his arm, then backed out.

"That damn near drained him." Buck look worried. "I don't think I should wait. Don't think he can spare the time."

Chris looked at his watch. "Give it another two hours. It's already three, and it should start getting light soon. You should get a bit of rest. Guessing your more banged up than you're sharing."

"Like you said, bruises. Promise you Chris, I'm okay. Or I will be when we get him clear."

He finally conceded nothing would be gained by getting lost or hurt, and settled to try to prepare for what was to come. The next couple of hours were restless to say the least. Every moan or cough had one of them going to the van to check on Ezra. At one point, Buck all but carried Vin over to reassure Ezra that he was all right.

"You shouldn't've told him I was hurt Chris. Just got him upset for nothing."

"He wasn't focusing. Didn't react when I said he needed an ambulance, but when it was for you he was sharp as a tack."

"Idiot."

"Yeah – but he's our idiot."

Two hours to the minute, Buck was on his feet and gathering supplies. "I'm leaving you a phone, but taking the others. Don't know which one has any chance of getting me a signal but one of them might."

"Mine won't. It's the oldest one and the batteries are probably pretty weak too. I'll keep it, you take Ezra's and Chris's. Buck, help me over there before you go."

"You shouldn't be moving so much Vin."

"Leg feels better. I want to talk to him. Try to keep him settled."

They managed to get Vin reasonably comfortable with only a moderate amount of swearing.

"OK Ezra, I'm gonna go get you some help. Be back here before you know it. You gotta promise me you're gonna stick around."

Ezra looked up at Buck with unfocused eyes. "You are leaving?"

"I'll be back." Buck struggled to keep his voice level. "You promise me you'll be here when I get back. Ezra, I mean it. Promise me."

"Of course. Where would I go?" Buck reached out and gently patted him on the shoulder, certain Ezra was unaware of the action.

Chris kept his distance to ensure as little crowding as possible. He spoke briefly to Buck then watched his friend hike up the hill again. It would be hours before anyone was looking for them, and given the phony detour, it could be days before they were found. He had no doubt that Buck was Ezra's only hope.

It was getting lighter, but the rain continued. Vin kept an anxious eye on the river, noting the water level rising. After a point, he finally dragged himself close enough to the van and used it to lean on as he reached in. The nature of his concern immediately shifted.

"Dammit Chris, he's ice cold." Chris was over to the spot faster that his injuries should have allowed. "His temperature is way too low." Ezra's lips were tinged blue and his face was white. The shivering was the only sign of life he was showing.

"Ezra – Pard? Can you hear me?" Chris handed what he could find to Vin to try to drape around Ezra. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing – they hoped. "We need to find a way to warm him up Chris. He goes into hypothermic shock and it will be too late."

"So, we have to get him out of there. Great. He bleeds to death or freezes. Hell of a set of options. Don't suppose there's a way to drain the water out?"

"Car's filling up, and the river is getting higher. You can add drowning as an option if we can't figure something out."

Chris rubbed his good hand over his face several times, trying to come up with good solutions. None was forthcoming, so he resorted to questionable ones.

"Okay. I'll need you to splint my hand tighter. I'll go under and see if we can free him up."

"Are you nuts Chris? You can't do that one handed."

"Well you can't manoeuvre on a bad leg."

"It's in better shape than your hand."

"Not by much."

"Perhaps I can be of some assistance?"

"Stay out of this Standish. Ezra – you're awake?"

"Difficult to sleep with all this fighting." His voice shook with exhaustion, and the chattering of his teeth didn't help matters. "And given it is my circumstance you are discussing, I should have a say in the matter."

"Not if you're planning to tell us to leave things as they are."

"On the contrary, I would like to little more than the opportunity to escape this prison. But based on what I can still feel of my lower extremities, I doubt that is a viable option."

"What do you mean what you can still feel?" Just what we need, Chris thought, another wrinkle.

"My left leg is quite numb, which I grant you is preferable to the pain it was causing earlier."

Vin and Chris looked at each other without speaking. If the leg had gone numb, the reasons were just one more cause for concern. Silence told Ezra the same thing

"I take it I can assume that is not good news."

"Ezra, we've got to get you out of the water and figure out what's going on. Your leg was cut bad, and there's piece of metal sticking into your side as well."

"Yes, I have been aware of that for some time."

"Really? You might've said something." Chris's reaction was as much frustration with the situation as it was anger at the pigheaded victim.

"What would be gained? I don't see a surgical team handy, so mentioning the problem without offering a solution would be poor form."

"I swear to God Ezra, I think you were put on this earth for the sole purpose of torturing me."

"Then you shall likely be relieved of that burden shortly."

"Shut up. You ain't going anywhere – you hear me?"

"I believe we both know that isn't true."

"You quitting Ezra? Thought we talked about that."

"Not quitting – surrendering. It is a fine distinction, but a valid one." They could both hear the weakening of his voice and his slowing speech.

"We don't have time for this Chris." Vin took a deep breath and manoeuvred under the still rising waters. Chris held the fading light from the cell phone as close as he dared, not wanting to submerge it. A moment later Vin surfaced gulping in the air.

"Okay Ezra. The leg is cut but not badly pinned. I can loosen it, and when I do you're going to move, which I can promise will hurt like hell. The doorframe is digging into you. I can't tell how deep but it's gonna cut you when you move. We're going to get you out, but it won't be pretty."

"I have no doubt you will do your best, and I assure you whatever the outcome I deeply appreciate the effort."

"Save it Ezra. You're going to need your strength. Chris, what have we got that's still dry?"

"Rug in the back is mostly dry except for one edge. One blanket too."

"Lay them out so we don't have to put him on the ground. When we get him settled, you'll have to scrounge around for any dry wood you can find."

"It's been raining for hours."

"Look for overhangs, piles. Maybe we'll get lucky and find some kind of nest we can raid. Body heat isn't gonna to be enough Chris. We're both soaked too. Not as cold as he is, but not warm enough to be much help. It'll do until we can get a fire going. I hope."

Vin spoke to Ezra while Chris got things ready, even though he was fairly certain their injured friend heard little of the conversation. It was only a few minutes before Chris announced everything was ready.

"You're gonna have to use that bad hand Chris. There's just not enough room to do anything else."

"Don't worry about it. I've survived worse." They looked at each other, knowing they were about to do something that was just as likely to kill Ezra as to help him, and knowing they had no choice. Vin dove under again, and seconds later Chris heard a scream from Ezra that chilled him deeper than any river water could. Ezra's body went rigid with pain before he collapsed into a boneless slump, head dropping into the waters. Chris grabbed at him, trying to find a way to apply pressure with his good hand while tugging him free with the other. Despite the effort to use his arm more than the wrist he could feel the stabbing sensations travelling through him. With Ezra's scream still ringing in his ears, he bit back his own reaction. His discomfort couldn't compare to what they had just done to the man.

Vin surfaced with his arm around Ezra's legs and they moved as quickly as they could to get clear of the waters. No words were exchanged as they moved to wrap the wounds and quietly pray that he keep breathing.

Chris used his belt to tighten a compress in place over the deep gash in Ezra's side. The bleeding was less than he'd feared, but he admitted to himself he had no idea what internal damage might've been done. Vin was focused on the leg, loosening Buck's tourniquet to allow circulation again. He pressed the wound to try to stop further loss, praying some blood would be able to flow into the lower leg.

After several agonizingly long minutes, they had the situation settled to the best they could manage. Vin continued monitoring Ezra's heartbeat, and not liking what he felt. "He's definitely hypothermic Chris. Breathing is weak, heart is skipping all over the place."

Chris came from deeper in the bush, dragging branches. "Cut some cedar. Thought it could make a passable blanket."

"It'll help." He positioned himself beside Ezra. "Okay Pard, time to get up close and personal here. I ain't much warmer than you, but body heat might help some." He carefully wrapped his arms around Ezra and pulled him in as close as he could. The combination of injuries made it more than a little challenging.

"Wish I had my camera," Chris teased, trying to appear less terrified than he was. "You two would make a cute Christmas card."

"Jealous?" The joking was fooling neither man.

"I've got a few dry bits to start a fire. I guess we don't need to be worried about burning the area down."

He quietly set about the task, listening to Vin continue to murmur reassuring words to Ezra. There was no response beyond the occasional gasp or shiver as another pain spasm struck. Once the small fire was burning, they sat back, unable to do anything more than continue their efforts to warm him. Neither could ever recall a time he had felt more utterly useless.

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Chris looked at his watch and found all of five minutes had passed since the last glance. Buck had been gone about three hours now, which meant he should easily be at the gas station Ezra had mentioned. Assuming he'd remember things correctly – a big assumption given his condition.

Would it be open this early? Open it all? If it was abandoned, Buck was going to have a long search ahead. Of course, it was possible he'd been able to get a cell phone signal by now. It was also possible he was lying at the side of the road, collapsed from pushing himself too hard and worsening injuries he didn't realized he had.

"Smart Larabee – very comforting to create worst-case scenarios. Why not imagine a tornado while you're at it?"

"You say something Chris?"

"No Vin, just talking to myself."

"Where do you think Buck is?" He knew exactly what Chris had been thinking about.

"With any luck, on the phone calling in the National Guard to get us the hell out of here."

"Not the guard Chris, but search and rescue should be here any minute now."

"What the hell? How did you –" Chris looked up to see Buck in a controlled slide down the embankment.

"Dirt-bikers are wonderful people. Did you know that Chris? Really amazing, wonderful people. Ran into some about 40 minutes ago. Gave me a bike to get back here and a bunch of supplies. Most important, they had satellite phones with GPS and a whole bunch of crap I didn't understand. Called rescue and they have been tracking me and are homing in on the signal," he held up a small beacon "as we speak." He looked over at the others. "Hey Vin. You look cozy. How's our friend doing there?" He dropped the grin at the look on Vin's face, and rushed over opening a blanket as he moved.

"Hey Ezra. How are you feeling? Never mind. Stupid question."

"We had to get him out Buck. He was damn near frozen. And bleeding. He's weak. Too weak." Chris handed them a second blanket.

"Ezra – you keep fighting. You hear me?"

"Buck? You're back?"

"Told you I would be."

"I did it then. Followed your order. I held on till you got back." Ezra's voice was terrifyingly weak.

"That don't mean you can quit now Ezra." Buck fought the desire to yell at him. "Ezra? You hear me Ezra?"

"Told you I'd wait." Ezra closed his eyes and his head drooped to the side.

"His heart rate's all over Chris. We're losing him. Not now Ezra. Help is almost here." Vin could hear the distinctive sound of a helicopter approaching, along with the more distant wail of the sirens closing in, "Just a few more minutes and we can get you fixed up Ezra. Ezra? Dammit!"

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 _tbc_


	2. Chapter 2

Vin wasn't about to let go. He knew it was irrational, but he was also certain that if he let go, he'd never see Ezra alive again. The medics were able to work around him for the first couple of minutes, examining the leg and side injuries. Now, they needed to get Ezra to chopper, and there was no time to waste.

Chris pulled at Vin's arm. Gently at first, then with more determination. "Let them do their job Vin. You gotta get out of the way." When there was no reaction, Buck moved in and simply pried him away, kneeling next to him as Ezra was lifted onto the stretcher. None of them took theirs eyes off him.

"Sorry Vin. You had to let go."

"No," he barely whispered back to Buck. "You were right. I just couldn't seem to move. It feels too much like goodbye."

Chris's reply was more a rumble than a comment. "He ain't leaving us. Not like this." He finally pulled his eyes away as the ambulance arrived and he saw the medics at the top of the ravine. "You got a wounded man down here needs a stretcher." He looked back at Vin.

"Two," Buck corrected. He stayed close until help got to the bottom, then got out of their way.

He turned to watch the medevac helicopter carry Ezra off to the nearest trauma centre. The medics had worked frantically to stabilize him, at least for the moment, but it was clearly touch and go. He was wrapped in thermal blankets and surrounded by heating packs before being lifted into the chopper. He'd also heard the order for blood transfusions to be waiting, and emergency surgical staff was being summoned to the hospital. He waited until the chopper was out of sight before walking slowly back to the ambulance Chris and Vin were being moved to. His heart kept telling him he should've been faster to get help, while his brain tried to reassure him that simply was impossible. It had been a miracle to get help here as quickly as he did. No matter what happened, he was going to have to remember to find some way to thank those kids, not that he imagined he ever really could express that gratitude.

"How are these two?" he asked, reaching the vehicle.

"Cold, wet and banged up, but nothing we can't fix."

"Don't need a damned ambulance," Chris complained again.

"Oh yeah," the paramedic added, "did I mention stubborn?"

"Like you're telling me something I don't know."

"You should check him too," Vin commented from his stretcher. "He was in the van with us." The medic turned to look.

"I'm fine" Buck assured him.

"Ten to one says he has cracked ribs. The rest of us do." Chris added.

"I said I'm fine."

The medic sighed. "Why are cops always so damn stubborn?"

Chris allowed himself his first real grin of the day. "If you happen to have a female medic around, I think you will find him much more cooperative."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Late evening saw the trio still waiting for word on Ezra. They'd all been given permission to leave the hospital, but had gone only as far as the waiting room. Chris had already abandoned the sling they'd provided, and Vin occasionally glanced with anger at his crutches. Conversation had stopped some time ago, as they determined there was really nothing suitable to say. The strained silence was shattered when the remainder of the team stormed through the doors.

"How is he? What have you heard?"

"No update since we spoke Josiah. They're still 'monitoring' him. Which is doctor talk for we don't know what the hell else to do."

Nathan turned to Chris hoping he'd be a better source of information than Buck was.

"You said they have him stabilized?"

"Took them a while to settle his heart rhythm, and last they told us, they still weren't thrilled about it. Couldn't seem to get him warmed up."

"On the other hand, they said being so cold slowed down the blood flow enough to keep Ezra from bleeding to death." Vin added, trying to sound optimistic, and failing.

"What about the injuries?"

"Side wound apparently didn't do a lot of damage, just bleeding. The leg…" Vin faded off.

"What about his leg?" JD asked.

"They don't know if they can save it kid." Buck said softly. "The damage and the cold. I put the damn tourniquet on too tight. Cut off the circulation."

"Yeah, because watching him bleed to death would've been a much better option. The real damage was done when we took him out of the car. Couldn't move fast enough because my damn hand."

"I didn't exactly patch him up all that well Chris. Should've been smarter about that."

"For God's sake! Are you listening to yourselves? You stopped the bleeding, got him out of the water, and warmed him up. You do realize you all kept him alive? That's the important thing here." Josiah shook his head in disbelief.

"Hope he sees it that way."

"He will Chris. We may have to remind him of that if things don't exactly work out, but he'll come around."

JD sat beside Buck. "You okay? You weren't hurt?"

"Nothing a few days rest won't heal up. Don't worry about me kid."

Nathan and Josiah sat as well. Chris glanced at his watch, then back to his men. "How did you get here so fast?"

"We flew."

"For God's sake, don't tell Ezra that!"

"Have you guys been able to figure out what happened?"

"Local cops are looking into it. We gave them the report. Like I said on the phone Josiah, the three of us were sleep. For some reason Ezra took the side road. Mumbled something about a detour while he was drifting in and out back there. Next thing we know two cars were forcing us off the road. Pitch black, they had no lights on after they blinded Ezra with high beams. Couldn't really see what was hitting us."

"Did you get a chance to look at the road Chris?" At the negative response, Buck continued. "I checked it out while the medics were working on you two. Ezra wouldn't have had a clue what he was driving toward at that point. All he could tell was he'd been driving around sharp curves and steep grades. Road ahead of us looked to be gone altogether, or at least it would've looked that way to him at night."

"You saying he deliberately steered us down that slope?"

"No, I don't think so. His side of the van was most smashed up, even though they were hitting us on the passenger side. He was trying to slow us down."

"He drove his side into the trees!" Chris caught on. "That's when the door folded in on the stupid son of a bitch."

"Chris, if we'd gone another hundred feet we would've gone over a sheer drop. None of us would've survived it."

They sat in silence, absorbing the revelation.

"He damn well better live," Chris finally muttered, "because I'm going to kill him."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

In the 24 hours since they'd arrived, Ezra had gone from near frozen to spiking a fever. The leg injury had become infected and on top of all the other concerns they now had added a stronger antibiotic to his cocktail of pain medications and sedatives. The team had been restricted to one visitor at a time. Vin spent time stretched out on the vacant bed next to him, watching every blip of the heart monitor. Ezra was moving in response to whatever dreams were dancing through his subconscious. Vin wanted nothing more than to be able to reassure him, but had no idea how. Nothing was getting through to him, and there was so little encouraging news to offer.

Guilt trips aside, no one went anywhere. Emotions were drained as the men sat waiting for news, any news, on Ezra's condition. When the code blue was called each man was pretty sure his own heart stopped as well. Nathan was barely able to suppress the urge to follow the emergency team into Ezra's room. JD had been sitting with him when the code was called, and was overwhelmed by the situation.

"Everything just stopped Buck. I mean, it was quiet in there anyway, but this was – I don't know – unnatural." He couldn't take his eyes off the door and Buck basically had to drag him off to the side of the hall to get out of the way.

"I know what you mean. Believe me, I've seen it happen before, and once is more than enough."

"They can get him back Buck. They have to." There was no good way to answer that, so Buck didn't try to pretend there was.

Chris was rhythmically beating his hand on the arm of the chair until Josiah reached out to still the movement. "That's your broken arm Chris. Don't think that's your best idea." He hadn't even been aware of his actions. They all turned and froze in place when the door opened again. A quick half smile from the doctor got them all moving.

"He okay now?" JD asked.

"He is far from out of danger. Mr. Standish is still extremely weak. We've warmed him up past the critical stage, but there seems to be a problem stabilizing his cardiac rhythm. The blood loss factors into this, but it's the fight his body is having with the other injuries that is draining him."

"His leg isn't improving then?" Nathan's look of concern cut to the heart of all the others.

"Circulation is not coming back properly, and the infection has not fully cleared. The antibiotics have been marginally successful, but there is still a long way to go. Frankly, I'm not optimistic. We may have no option but to take the leg if we want to save his life."

"You can't do that to him doc." Chris was almost pleading. "You've got no idea what that'll do to him."

"It isn't my first choice Mr. Larabee, but I'm sure he'd prefer it over death."

"I wouldn't bet on it."

The doctor was surprised to realize Chris meant every word of what he said. "I promise you, we will do everything possible. Excuse me now gentlemen."

Chris watched him leave as the others returned their attention to the room. The door opened again as the rest of the response team left. The floor nurse stopped on her way out, looking with respect at the tired, anxious faces.

"You really should get some rest – especially you three," she added, nodding at the walking wounded. Before anyone could respond, she smiled. "But I know I'm wasting my breath. Go back to the waiting room. I'll bring you some of the good coffee from the staff lounge." They looked at each other, and in the silent communication possible only amongst those who are truly connected, made their decision. Josiah entered Ezra's room while the others went back to the waiting game.

He pulled the chair close to the bed, eyeing the monitors as if they were the enemy. "I know you don't put much stock in religion son, and I can't say I'm likely to have much influence with the Almighty, but if it's all the same to you, I think I'm going to do a bit more praying for a while." Hearing no objection from Ezra, Josiah bowed his head and began asking for favours he wasn't entirely sure he had the right to.

An hour later a quiet tap on the door proceeded Nathan's entry. Josiah stood, releasing Ezra's hand from his gentle hold. As he stood by Nathan's side he spoke. "He hasn't really moved at all."

"Not surprised Josiah. Every bit of energy he's got is going into healing. I just hope it's enough."

"Has to be. We'll be losing a lot more than him if, God forbid, this doesn't work out."

Nathan nodded. "Yeah, those three are doing a hell of a job of beating themselves up over his injuries."

"He'd be mighty upset to see it." Josiah smiled lightly and added, "Doubt he would believe it either."

Nathan took over the vacated seat. "You go get something to eat, and try to get some rest. He'd be upset with you too, if he could see the way you look right now."

The hourly rotation continued through the night. At some point earlier in the evening, Chris couldn't say when, JD had broken from the team and disappeared. When the absence was noted, Buck shrugged. "Guess he needed some air. He was pretty shook up earlier."

They were all more than surprised when JD showed up laden with shopping bags. "Had to guess on the sizes, but I figured you guys might prefer sweats to the hospital scrubs you've been stuck in. Nothing was salvageable from the van. Ezra's going to be pissed off about losing two suits. Should be interesting to read that expense claim." He handed Chris a bag containing socks, briefs, sweat pants and shirts and a few toiletries. "Hope you don't mind Chris, they only had fire engine red in your size."

Chris's face fell until he opened the bag and let out a small sigh. "Black – how did you guess?"

Buck grabbed for a bag, but JD pulled back. "Nope, you get the blue ones. Vin gets grey. The other bags of got some food, protein bars, stuff like that." He flopped down on the loveseat and put his feet up.

"Kid, someday you're gonna make somebody a fine wife."

"Shut up Buck."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Even when Judge Travis contacted Chris to let the team know arrests had been made, there was no sense of relief in the room. The confirmation that they had been run of the road to keep them from testifying was not exactly surprising. There was small satisfaction when it turned out the driver was willing to turn informant and seal the fate of the man who hired them, but even that was tempered by the realization it meant he wouldn't face an appropriate punishment for what he had done. Travis assured them that he wasn't getting immunity, but that didn't really help matters. The only positive any of them could take from it was that their testimony was no longer needed, and they wouldn't have to fight of the desire to kill anyone in court.

It was about 18 hours later when Ezra opened his eyes. Josiah let out a loud Amen, and quickly opened the door to his room. "Anybody else want to talk to him?" Buck and Chris grabbed onto Vin and virtually carried him into the room.

"Good to see you again Ezra." "Took your sweet time waking up Standish." "Glad you kept your promise Hoss." Ezra was overwhelmed by the confusion of movement and noise. Nathan was the first to notice and quickly silenced the others. JD took the cue and darted out of the room to find a nurse or doctor.

Chris took the conversational lead. "Don't doubt that you are a bit confused Ezra. You're in the hospital. Had us all mighty worried for a while, but you're gonna be OK."

Ezra gratefully crunched on a few ice chips Josiah provided to him while he tried to focus his jumbled memories. "Accident. The car. There was a cliff? Was anyone hurt?"

"Nothing to serious Ezra. Nothing for you to worry about now."

"Vin was there. And Buck. Are they alright?"

"We're just fine Ezra. I'm betting we'll have to remind you of that a few more times till you really wake up." The relief in Buck's voice reflected the feeling of everyone in the room.

"Chris? Am I alright?"

He hesitated, not wanting to overwhelm Ezra with information, but not willing to lie to him either. He looked to Nathan for a bit of guidance, but got only a small shrug.

"You were hurt Ezra. But you're alive, and you are going to stay that way. That's all that matters."

The brief hesitation, and the noncommittal answer gave Ezra all the information he really needed. "Then there **is** something wrong." His voice had just a hint of panic to it. "There is something wrong with my leg. I can't feel it Chris. It was hurt. Cut. I can't feel it. I can't feel it at all!" The panic was increasing with each word, and the heart monitor reflected the stress.

"Ezra, calm down. Damnit Standish, listen to me." Chris moved in a close as the wires and tubes would allow. "Yes, you are hurt, but you are going to be alright. Your leg was cut bad, and they've got it numbed for you, so you don't feel it. It's going to be OK Ezra. You are going to be OK. You understand me?"

Ezra looked up at the man yelling at him, confusion still fogging his mind. Chris wouldn't lie to him. He couldn't. It was simply against his nature. Whatever Ezra was feeling right now, or more accurately, not feeling, clearly wasn't as bad as he feared. He nodded slightly, his breathing slowing down, with pulse rate following that lead.

"OK, that's better. You need to get a lot more rest Ezra, so I want you to just lie there and relax. Don't think about anything, understand?" Another feeble nod came, as the exhaustion brought on by the panic attack allowed him to drift off.

Chris ran his hand over his face, trying to bring his own heart rate back under control. He turned back to the others, waiting for the blast he was going to get.

"Nice work Chris. Thought he was going to have a stroke right in front of us."

"I lied to him Nathan. All the times I threatened to skin him alive if he was lying, and I turn around and hand him a shovel full of unmitigated bullshit."

"You told him what he needed to hear. That's no sin." Josiah assured him.

"Is in my book."

"Then get a new book. Ezra will have lots of time to deal with the truth, whatever that turns out to be, later on. Right now, he needs exactly what you gave him."

"A load of crap?"

Vin shook his head. "The support of a friend. And hope. Those two things go a long way in the healing process."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Chris was at Ezra's side when the man woke up again a few hours later. He'd drifted in and out of awareness several times, but never had the energy or desire to reach the state of awareness where he would have to acknowledge the others in the room. He'd had far too many things he needed to mull over in his mind before he was ready to be engaging in any conversations.

"You're looking better every time you open your eyes."

"And you are looking worse. I believe I should suggest you get some rest as well."

"I'm just sitting here. Nothing much more restful than that."

Ezra shook his head slightly, regretting the action almost immediately. "I would dare to hazard a guess that you are still here because you wish to speak with me. Most likely to find a way to apologize for the lie you told earlier in your ongoing effort to keep me alive?"

There had been several times since Ezra had joined the team that Chris would have been willing to be the man possessed some kind of psychic gift. This was only reinforcing that view.

"Ezra, you know I would never lie to you if there was any choice in the matter. I just didn't see a way-"

"Please, stop. As I said, I have no doubt as to your motivation. I was clearly distraught, no doubt aggravated by medications and my natural proclivity to expect the worst. My only question now is how much of a lie did you tell?" His calm voice and half smile were perfectly in keeping with his years of experience at hiding his feelings. But his eyes couldn't help but show the deep fear he had in anticipation of the response.

"You still have your leg Ezra." Chris paused at the sharp gasp of relief that came from the bed. He wished with all he had that he could simply stop speaking. "But that may not last. It isn't healing the way they want, and the doctor is talking about operating. They've got an expert who thinks maybe they can still save it, but they haven't been able to try yet."

"For God's sake, why not?"

"You've been too weak Ezra. Fever, blood loss. We damn near lost you. If they'd tried anything before you're ready, it could have killed you."

"And the problem with that?"

"Knock it off Standish. I'm not even gonna dignify that comment."

"Really Chris, what possible difference could the outcome make? What loss would there be?"

"You really think losing your leg is just like losing your life?"

"No. Of the two, I would far prefer the latter."

He had half expected this to be Ezra's attitude, but that didn't stop his own anger. Chris glared, unable to find the words he needed. Ezra turned away from the stare, and found his head being forcefully turned back.

"You don't say crap like that and expect me to just accept it, do you?"

"I know what you are going to say Chris. I can well imagine the pep talk you have prepared."

"No, I haven't prepared anything. Didn't think you'd be stupid enough to need one. You ain't some naïve kid Ezra. You've had a crappy hand from the get go, and you still managed to win with it more often than not. You had more shit dumped on you when you were a teenager than most folk deal with in a lifetime. And things didn't get a hell of a lot better for you when you grew up. But if you don't get that all that has changed now, that you have something to live for, and friends who give a damn about you, then maybe you're right. Maybe you should just give up."

Ezra stared up at him for several seconds, neither man blinking. Chris almost fell over when Ezra started to laugh.

"Seriously? You didn't prepare that? You clearly are a much better motivational speaker than I ever imagined. Not exactly reverse psychology, but a fascinating variation."

Chris let go of Ezra's face and started to laugh a bit himself. "Well, I have figured out that the obvious approach will never work with you." He took a deep breath. "I meant it though Ezra. You got more reasons to fight than you do to quit."

Ezra's smile faded. "Do you really think there will be much demand for a one-legged ATF agent?"

"Don't know," he answered honestly, "But I don't have any other one-legged friends, so you've got that spot guaranteed."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Ezra allowed himself a soft sigh when Chris left. He'd almost exhausted himself keeping up appearances, hoping Chris would attribute the fatigue to his injuries, which, of course, he did. Not that there wasn't validity to the idea. He was drained. He couldn't remember a time he'd felt quite so battered, physically and emotionally. But then again, he was feeling so addled right now there were a lot of things he couldn't remember.

He did know for a certainty that he was still cold. They kept assuring him his body temperature had returned to normal, but you couldn't confirm that by asking him. He still shivered, still felt the chill right to his bones. He couldn't quite accept that he was ever going to feel warm again. In fact, he admitted to himself, he wasn't entirely sure he was going to feel anything again. He was unaware of any sensations from his leg. As much as he wanted to believe Chris' assurances that it was the medication blocking the feelings, he was unable to convince himself that was true.

He looked down at his leg, glaring spitefully at the limb. He wouldn't have thought it possible to hate a part of his own body that much. But right now, it offended him. It's betrayal, it's weakness, angered him. He knew it made no sense to feel that way, but he couldn't seem to control it. Or control the conflicts that it triggered within.

Again, all logic, all common sense told him that whatever happened, he would get through this. The six men waiting outside for him simply would not allow any other outcome. But his instincts, his history, his gut, all told him this was going to end badly. He would be "that guy". The one that allowances had to be made for. The one that plans were changed for. The one that would be kept on the job, as they found something – anything – that he could still do to create the illusion of value.

But he could learn to live with that. He'd learned to live with much worse in the past. It was what his presence would do to the others, and especially to Vin, Chris and Buck that he simply could not accept. He knew those men, the unjustified guilt they would feel. The self-recriminations that would follow them. And everyday, he would be an unescapable reminder.

He would not let that happen. He could not do that to them, to the team. There had to be a way out. Perhaps when his mind was clear of these drugs, these sedatives, he would be able to sort it out. There were always options. Disappearing wouldn't be easy, but it could be done. If all else failed, he could turn to Maude for help. She was somewhat of an expert at vanishing when the need was there.

He smiled slightly to himself. Yes, the medication was definitely affecting his cognitive process. No way he would consider asking Maude for help his he had been thinking clearly.

"Good to see you smiling Ezra." He all but jumped out of bed at the sound of JD's voice. He hadn't heard the young man enter the room, let alone pull up a seat beside the bed. "Sorry Ezra. Didn't mean to startle you."

"Quite alright Mr. Dunne – sorry. JD. I was lost in thought."

"I get that. You've got a lot on your mind. You should be trying to rest though."

"As you said – a lot on my mind."

JD didn't care for the far away look that came to Ezra's face. He wasn't used to seeing Ezra anything other than confident and self-assured. That didn't come close to describing the man he was looking at now. "You shouldn't be worrying about anything. Nathan says these guys are the best doctors around, and everything is going to be just fine."

"There is a reason you are much more valuable to us behind the scenes than you could ever be as an undercover operative JD. You are, to your credit, an abysmal liar."

JD gulped nervously. Ezra was right. He couldn't lie worth a damn, not even when it was this important. "Well, they are the best Ezra. Ain't lying about that."

"I know. And I know and appreciate the purity of your motives." JD sat quietly, just watching as Ezra closed his eyes and appeared to drift off to sleep. He was almost wishing he hadn't come in. Hadn't tried to be the one to bolster Ezra's spirits. Obviously, he wasn't doing a very good job.

"If I were to ask you for a favour JD, and ask you not to share the request with the others, would you be able to do so?" Ezra didn't open his eyes, unable to look at his friend, knowing what he was considering proposing.

"As much as I'd like to say yes, I'm betting that any favour you have to set up like that is one I'm not going to like."

"You are wise beyond your years."

"What is it you want Ezra?"

"It doesn't matter JD. I was simply proposing a hypothetical situation." Ezra dearly wished he had kept his mouth shut. Once again, he could only blame his altered level of awareness for allowing him to be so sloppy with his words and deeds.

"Ezra, I don't know what you're thinking about, but I don't think I like it. You told Chris that you were OK about all of this."

"Well JD, unlike you, I am a good liar. A consummate liar."

"Not as good as you think Ezra." Damn. He hadn't heard Chris come back either. He reluctantly opened his eyes, not surprised at this point to realize there was a roomful of less than happy agents staring at him.

"Well, the gang's all here."

"What do you want JD to help you with?" Buck questioned.

"It is of no real importance."

"I doubt that."

Ezra forced himself to look a Josiah, putting on his most neutral and dispassionate faces. "Your desire to believe me or not is your choice, as always."

"You planning on running out on us Ezra?" Chris asked quietly, controlling himself as much as possible.

"Ah, there is the rub. I doubt I will be running anywhere. And please, spare me the banalities and clichés. Things will not be fine, they will not be normal, and they most assuredly will not be acceptable."

"So, you wanted me to do what Ezra? Help you disappear? Help you hide?"

"No JD. I wanted you to help me die."

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 _TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

No one moved in the room for several seconds. It was a safe be to say no one even took a breath. Ezra finally broke the tableau, turning his head away from the stunned faces. That was enough to trigger reactions in the others.

"What the fuck?" Buck's voice was the loudest, but the others voiced comparable sentiments.

"I wouldn't think the comment required further explanation."

"Think again." Vin countered.

Josiah reluctantly pulled his eyes away from Ezra to focus on Chris. He had a very real fear that things were about to be said that could never be taken back, and just might destroy any chance they had to get passed this. He was surprised to see how calm the team leader was when he spoke.

"You really believe for a minute that he would have said yes?"

Ezra didn't speak. He couldn't.

Buck fought a loosing battle with his temper. "What gives you the right to do that to him? To any of us?"

"Nothing does. Which is why I did not proceed with the question. The irony of asking any of you to assist in ending my life to avoid causing you more guilt is far too overwhelming, even for someone with my somewhat warped sense of morality."

"How can you be thinking that Ezra. How can you be thinking that death is preferable to – well to anything?" Vin could not for a moment understand that choice by anyone, but least of all my someone who revelled in living large as much as Ezra did.

"It's the drugs Vin." Nathan could see that as the only reasonable explanation. "He's had a hell of a couple of days. The shock, the medications. He's just not thinking clearly."

"Yes, I am. More so than any of you. I see what lies ahead. I see the way things will be. What I cannot see is how I will survive all of that. How any of that can happen and not damage or destroy the team."

"And you really think that your dying – your killing yourself, wouldn't damage or destroy the team?" Vin was beginning to see what Nathan meant. Ezra clearly wasn't thinking this through.

"You would recover from my absence far more easily than from my presence."

"Keep talking like that and you won't have to kill yourself. Chris will do it for you." Buck growled.

JD moved back to the side of the bed. He'd been basically pushed aside by the others, but now needed to be as close to Ezra as he could.

"I get it Ezra. Took me a few minutes, but I get it. You ain't afraid of dying. You never have been. What you're afraid of is living. Of accepting that you have people who care about you. People that you have to be responsible to. People that you have to do right by. You're afraid that you're finally letting yourself care about those same people, and before you know it, you're gonna be part of a family. And that isn't who Ezra Standish is. No, he's the lone wolf. The bad seed. That's Ezra Standish." He reached behind his back and pulled his service weapon from it's holster, placing it on the table in front of Ezra.

"So, go ahead. If that's what you think is your only choice, go ahead. But you don't get to run and hide to do this. You don't get to disappear from our lives and have us find out later what happened. You do this with us watching. Knowing what it will do to us. Seeing our faces as you do us this enormous favour. Go one Ezra. Prove to us that we don't matter to you. That nothing matters to you."

Ezra reached out slowly, placing his hand on the weapon. The six men froze in place, not daring to do anything that might tip the balance. He turned his head away as his fingers moved to grip on the weapon. His eyes closed, his jaw clenched tight. His body began to shake, slowly at first, almost imperceptibly. Within seconds it escalated and before he knew it he was trembling with a force that almost shook the bed. His hand left the gun, and both hands came up to cover his face. "Help me," he gasped softly. JD grabbed the gun back and Chris and Josiah were sitting beside Ezra on the bed in a heart beat. Josiah pulled the trembling man into an engulfing hug. "That's what we're here for. That's always what we're here for." Ezra sobbed quietly unable to push himself away from the support, not that they would have let him.

Buck pulled back, moving to be next to JD, who had taken several steps away and was now upright only because he was leaning on the wall. He placed a hand on the young man's arm, slowly reaching out to take the gun from his clenched hand. "That was amazing kid," he said softly. JD looked up with the tears he'd been fighting now running down his cheeks. "I didn't know what else to do." Buck grabbed at his as he collapsed in exhaustion to the floor.

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Nathan came into the darkened quiet room and pulled a chair up next to Chris. "Talked to the doctors. They've changed the meds they have him on. That should help."

"That was more that just the meds Nathan." Chris' voice was hollow. "That was a lot more."

"No, not really a lot. That was a scared, tired man who couldn't think clearly because of everything going on. I really don't believe any of it was really Ezra."

"He was ready to kill himself Nathan. That doesn't come about because of some pain pills."

"You'd be surprised. Look Chris, I'm not saying there wasn't – isn't – more going on. And I'm not saying that if this business with his leg doesn't work out that he isn't going to need a lot of counselling and support. What I'm saying is I don't think Ezra, the sober, clear headed Ezra we know, has any real desire to end his life."

"Wish I was as sure of that as you are."

"For what it's worth, I agree with him." Josiah's silhouette filled the door frame. "And as crazy as it sounds, I think the fact he was able to break down like that in front of all of us is exactly why we don't have to worry that it isn't going to happen again. He knows we're there for him, he's figured that out. With everything going on, he just needed to hear it again. And, God help him, he never really learned how to ask for it. The minute he did, the second he asked us to help him, then it was over."

Chris nodded slowly, understanding what they were saying and trying to convince himself they were right. He was almost there. "How's JD?"

"Drained. Sleeping. Buck's watching him."

"Kid's tougher than any of us ever give him credit for."

Josiah grinned. "Least I know when I retire, you'll still have a hell of a good profiler on the team."

Vin was the only one in the waiting room not to stand when Ezra's doctor walked in. He'd been ordered to stay off the leg, and threatened with a hip to ankle cast if he argued or disobeyed. He decided to comply. Alongside Ezra's doctor, an older man stood in the door. Neither looked happy.

"We are still seeing very little change in his condition. Dr. Conrad believes he can restore full circulation, but only if we operate immediately. If we are unsuccessful…". He let the men finish the thought for themselves.

"What does Ezra have say about all of this?" Chris asked. "I assume you've told him."

"Yes. And as to the unasked question there, yes, he is rational enough to understand all of this. Twelve hours hasn't come close to being enough time to get the drugs fully out of his system, but we have counteracted most of the negative effects. I've rarely seen a reaction that strong."

"Ezra never does anything by half measures." Buck observed.

Dr. Tamblyn nodded. "As you can imagine, he's not pleased about the surgery, but accepts the diagnosis, and is being prepared now. I do think his improving mental state will help."

"Can we see him first?"

"Of course. That can only help matters. I'll have the nurse tell you when you can go in. You'll just have a couple of minutes." Dr. Tamblyn paused for a moment. "I'd love to tell you this is just routine and everything is going to be fine, but the trauma was extensive. Add the extended lack of circulation and hypothermia, well he's lucky to be alive."

"He's a lot tougher than even he knows." Chris informed him. "And, despite what happened earlier, or maybe because of it, he's not about to give up on us."

"Good. Makes my job easier." Dr. Conrad spoke for the first time.

The team looked at each other while the doctors walked away. Vin spoke first.

"Somebody help me stand up. I'm going in on my own two feet Chris. I have to."

"Well, it may not be exactly on your own, but we'll make it work." Buck and Josiah stood on either side, supporting him as he hobbled along. Ezra looked over to them as they entered, then began to turn away.

"Don't you dare Ezra."

"You gentlemen are spending far too much time here."

"Could say the same about you Ezra." Vin grinned as he spoke.

"Dear Lord Vin, sit down. Won't do any good for both of us to be crippled."

"You ain't going to be crippled Ezra." Chris made it sound more like an order than a statement.

"There are only so many times in life when one can defeat the odds." Ezra informed him. "I believe I have pushed the limit on that number."

"You're not giving up again Ezra." JD issued his own order.

"I would not dare. It was more than enough to put you all through that once. It is something I am not inclined to forgive myself for, or forget."

"Don't want you to forget if Ezra. Want you to remember how important you are to us. That's the only thing to remember from all of that." JD lightly squeezed Ezra's hand. "It's all I plan to remember." He was relieved at the ghost of a smile that crossed Ezra's face.

Ezra weakly cleared his throat. The effects of the sedation were becoming apparent as he struggled to remain awake. "I am not giving up. I am merely preparing myself for all contingencies."

"Only contingency you need to think about is walking out of here." Josiah was emphatic.

Ezra offered a less than convincing smile. "Would that that were true."

Chris looked at the others, and without speaking, ordered them to leave. They each offered Ezra their support and best wishes, as one by one they filed out.

Chris walked over to the side of the bed and put his cast encased hand on the railing and took Ezra's hand in his other. "I know you're scared Ezra. We're all scared for you. But you gotta believe this is gonna work. These guys are the best."

Ezra's voice was soft, and very tired. "I have no doubt they will do all they can. I cannot help but be deeply afraid it will not be enough."

"I shouldn't have to be telling you this again, but I will. Regardless of what happens, of what happened, it changes nothing here. No matter what, you are still part of this team." Ezra looked away, unable to meet Chris's stare. Chris reached out and turned Ezra's face back to him for the second time that day. "I mean it Ezra."

"I believe the challenges in continuing my job would be far too severe to overcome."

"In the first place, you've never met a challenge you didn't love. Overcoming them is second nature to you. More important though, the job is only part of the team. You're stuck with us, whether you like it or not."

Ezra could no longer keep his eyes open, but as he faded off he added, "There are far worse fates."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

The men were spread out around Ezra's recovery room, waiting for him to awaken. The staff had finally surrendered, moving him to a private room to accommodate the others. It was easier than arguing.

Vin had been given the comfortable chair. Or at least, what passed for a comfortable chair in a hospital room. Chris and Josiah each sat on hard plastic seats, one on each side of the bed. Buck and JD lounged on the floor, backs propped against the wall, legs stretched out in front of them. That of course meant Nathan had to step over them as he paced. None of them had left the room since the moment they'd been allowed in. It wasn't just the concern over not being allowed back in, but far more the desire – the need – to be there for support when Ezra woke up.

Even though he'd looked at his watch a dozen times, Chris still couldn't have said what time it was. He wasn't even sure how much time had passed. What he did know, and he was sure the others would confirm this, is that he was not good at waiting. His patience was already running thin.

Josiah was the first to notice Ezra had begun to stir. It was almost imperceptible at first, with just a faint fluttering of his eyelids and small twitching in his hands. It was several moments before he became further animated, with his head moving side to side ever so slightly. Chris's diminishing patience reached the end of its tether.

"Come on Ezra. Time to wake up." The effort was less than successful.

Josiah took the slowly wakening man's hand in his own. "Come on Ezra. Come on son. Open those eyes.

"For what purpose?" Ezra slurred softly.

The men smiled. "Because we want to talk to you Ezra." Vin answered. "Think you can stay awake for a few minutes?"

"Clearly I will not be given a choice in the matter." Ezra struggled to open his eyes, squinting as he found himself staring into the overhead lights. Nathan reached over and turned off one set, making things a little more comfortable.

"Hey there Ezra. How are you feelin'?" JD grinned down at him.

"I am feeling little of anything at this moment. Other than perhaps thirsty." Chris responded immediately with the offer of ice chips. Gratefully, Ezra allowed them to melt in his mouth for a moment. He licked his lips nervously.

"I can only presume from the presence of all of you, and just how much bribing or threatening of the staff such a circumstance would have required, that you have determined I will be in need of as much moral and emotional support as you can offer. I appreciate the gesture, and the sentiment behind it, but I think I would prefer to be alone for time."

"Why do I get the feeling he had that little speech memorized in advance?" Buck asked.

"Not here for moral support Ezra. We couldn't settle on which of us got to be the one to see your silly grin while you count all ten toes." Vin smiled widely at the look on his friend's face. The transformation from resigned acceptance to disbelief to joy took only a few seconds.

"I trust this in not a matter that you would toy with me about? Everything went according to plan?"

"Well, not entirely to plan, but the outcome was exactly what everyone wanted." Ezra looked confused, so Nathan continued. "You were in there quite a while. They had a few moments where things were touch and go, but in the end – well let's just say Dr. Conrad earned his salary."

"You and I are both gonna be on crutches for a while," Vin added, "but that just means we can get these guys to fetch and carry for us."

"A task I am sure they will tire of quickly. Perhaps we should consider the possibility of personal assistants. Or private nurses?"

Buck put on his best pout. "If I'd thought that was an option, I might have taken a bit of sick leave myself." While the others laughed and joked back and forth, Chris took note of the quiet turn Ezra had taken. He moved up closer, and sat next to him.

"The doctor said it will be a while before you are back at 100%. But you will be. We aren't holding anything back Ezra. I promise you this isn't another lie."

"I didn't believe it was. I was just thinking about how this all could have turned out."

"Yeah, things got scary a few times in the past couple of days." Ezra broke eye contact and Chris called him on it immediately. "Wasn't all your fault Ezra. We know that. But you gotta promise me that you're gonna talk to someone about everything that happened. All of it."

Ezra nodded. "Nathan and Josiah gave me similar orders even before the surgery. I have no doubt the others will seek similar reassurances." He paused, allowing himself a moment to register how good it felt to realize that all that concern was real.

"I was, however, initially referring to the incident that started all of this. We were beyond fortunate when it happened. Buck informed me how close we came to going over a far more precipitous precipice."

"Seriously? You can say that while coming out from under anesthetics?" Ezra smiled slightly and gave a tiny shrug. "And it wasn't a matter of being fortunate Ezra. That was your driving that kept this from being worse."

"I am not sure I would call my frantic handling of the vehicle driving. More like controlled crashing."

"Whatever you want to call it, you saved all of us. And put yourself at far too much risk."

"How unlike me." Ezra grinned at Chris' glared reaction, then tried to hide a yawn. Chris was on his feet immediately.

"OK boys. Everybody out. All of those not who do not have a cast on some part of them have to make plans to head back home. We still have a team to run, and somebody," he looked at Buck, "is going to have to start the paperwork on all of this."

"You will be leaving?" Ezra asked, almost asleep again.

"Just for the night Ezra. Chris and I are on medical leave for a few more days, so we decided to stay put. The others will fly back in the morning." Vin regretted the words the instant he said them.

Ezra eyes flew open, and it was all Chris could do to keep the man lying flat. "Fly back? They are flying home? Did they fly here?"

"Easy Ezra. Yes, they are flying. Seems the Judge decided this was an emergency, and made contingency arrangements for them to get here."

"And home?"

"Well, the team does need to get back to work." Josiah responded.

Ezra dropped his head back to the pillow. "Well, at least that means we will likewise be winging our way home with the time comes."

"Well," Nathan began, fighting to hold off the grin, "not really. See, after an injury and surgery like yours, flying is contraindicated for at least 3 months."

"Three months?" Ezra sputtered.

Even Chris couldn't stand to see the dejection on his face. "Don't worry Ezra. We were thinking of getting you a private, chauffeured ride home."

Ezra's eyes lit up. "Really? A limo? Champagne and fine food?" He was already picturing himself in the lap of luxury he so thoroughly believed he deserved and was destined for.

"Well, no. More like sirens and flashing lights. But don't you worry about a thing. I understand those private ambulances can be quite spacious." Josiah smiled as he added, "And I'm pretty sure they are stocked with apple juice and Jell-O."

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The end


End file.
